FRIDAY FEATURE: Perched on a cold beach rock, bracing against a stiff northwesterly, Lori and Bob cuddle in tight while trying to persuade chocolate Labrador pup Loki to sit nice for the photo.
The pair looks every inch the happy couple, easily passing for teenage sweethearts perhaps looking forward to their silver wedding. Truth be told, Lori Kininmont and Bob Attfield - both divorced in their late 40s and each with two and three grown-up children respectively - only met five years ago and just tied the knot last year after four years on the "sidelines." Without the Internet and the subsequent advent of online dating, however, it's highly unlikely their paths would ever have crossed. They didn't live in the same city and revolved in distinctly different social circles.
Richmond News sales consultant Kininmont, now 55, wouldn't have dreamed of hitting the bars to find a date in the wake of her 13-year marriage.
While fellow singleton Attfield, 56, a seniors care provider consultant, wasn't having much luck in moving on from 25 years of wedlock, stumbling from one recommended "friend-of-afriend" to another.
Almost a quarter of adult Canadians have tried online dating, however, and it seemed the worldwide web was the pair's only hope to finding someone with whom to maybe, just maybe, spend the rest of their lives.
And although that hope became a reality, things didn't exactly go according to plan for Kininmont and Attfield when they first went online in their respective searches for love.
Kininmont was out for dinner with her kids one night when one of them said, "you need to start dating again, mom." The other suggested she hit the bar scene. "I don't really do bars, it's just not my thing and most of my friends were happily married," said Kininmont.
"So, I tried online, starting with Plenty of Fish and a site called Single Parent. But, with Plenty of Fish, I found people were usually only after one thing and with Single Parent, it seemed to be people looking for a ticket into Canada." She then turned to Lavalife in 2008 on the word of a friend, but that didn't stop her attracting a string of "weird" people of all ages and from all walks of life.
"There are pitfalls with every site and you have to be very careful," added Kininmont, who went on a few dates with the more "sane" possibilities.
"I had a stalker, a 25-year-old who just wouldn't give up and another who asked for money; so I had to develop a system where I would only give out a little bit of information and chit chat to begin with, to see if the person was genuine or not.
"I was looking for someone who had the same values as me and who was looking for a future." Conversely, Attfield, who had joined Lavalife around the same time, only ventured on one date during his four months online, and that date produced a little surprise of its own.
"I thought I'd give it a try as other friends had some success on the site. I thought it was time to do my own research, rather than rely on others to set up dates," said Attfield. "But the only person that I met with in person turned out to be someone I actually knew casually on a personal basis.
"We had a chuckle about that, but it didn't go any further."
In late 2008, Kininmont and Attfield's profiles finally crossed on cyberspace.
"I was very cautious at first, because of past experiences, and, looking at his professional background, I wasn't sure he'd be interested in me," said Kininmont.
"And that winter there was that really heavy snowfall and I unexpectedly had my kids for the full two weeks over Christmas. I was so busy I didn't have time to keep in touch with him. "But then he emailed me again, asking if he'd said anything to upset me and that he was still interested and gave me his phone number." The following Saturday, I sat by the phone at 9 a.m., picking up the phone and putting it back
down again for two hours. They eventually went for their first face-to-face cup of coffee on Jan. 18, 2009, which lasted for almost four hours. She loved his listening skills and generosity. He loved her smile, sincerity and energy. The couple got married in Osoyoos last June in front of family and friends.
Since the early days of two decades ago, when the phrase "online dating" was uttered under one's breath out the corner of the mouth, the Internet has all but replaced the conventional modus operandi for single 40 somethings to source and select a partner, to whatever end they seek.
Last year, an estimated 30 to 40 million North Americans were using online dating sites, generating around $1.5 billion in revenue across 1,500 different sites continent-wide.
Online dating is branded as the new future for courting, especially for divorcees or middleaged people still searching for that "special person" in their lives.
The concept is sold as a more direct and efficient tool to carving out a relationship with a compatible soulmate without the need to hang out in bars and, perhaps, embarrass oneself by being publicly rejected.
But, with those looking for love able to describe, down to the shade of hair or colour of eyes that their ideal partner must have, has the Internet and dating online increased expectations of a relationship? Or has it simply allowed them to zoom in on what's really important to them? "I wouldn't say those expectations have increased," said relationship therapist Bonnie Hall, of In Harmony Counselling on Coppersmith Way.
"I think the same problems exist that have been there for decades. I'm seeing the same kind of issues in couples married for 40 years as I do from people much younger."
The biggest problem that exists, whether a couple met in a bar or online, said Hall, is the "expectation that person A and person B need to be the same. This has always been a big problem.
"There are sometimes expectations that the partner has to be doing things for you, rather than what you can bring to the relationship. "Some people do want more and that's when it comes back to the focus on the other person, rather than on you. If you go into a relationship with that focus, then you're on rocky ground straight away."
Whether Kininmont's focus was on her or what she hoped her new partner to be like, she admitted her online dating experiences - the good, bad and ugly - motivated her to really hone in on what she wanted from a relationship.
"I would say I was more focused, because I was serious and I didn't have a lot of time to waste," she explained.
Attfield, meanwhile, said he was certainly "forced to think about," what he wanted in a partner when he decided to use the Internet to find the right date.
"You're forced also to perhaps look inward and are much more intent to get it right."
He certainly got something right, according to Kininmont, who confessed that her husband "ticked a lot of the boxes.
"If you don't really know what you want, you'll never get it," she said.
"I guess you could say online dating helped me focus on what I really wanted and I would never have met Bob without it."
