I've never liked shopping. Before this Christmas I've always been more of a hand-me-down, no-name brand kind of person. But I started working in retail several months ago.
I should have known that what would begin as a curiosity-inspired stroll around the mall during my lunch break would eventually lead to some form of consumerist addiction.
It's all the sales that do it, I think. It just takes one large poster with that bold four lettered word to give me the feeling like I've caught something uniquely special.
As I excitedly leaf through the hangers, trying to imitate the nonchalance of the more practised customers, I can't help noticing all the mark downs. And then I stride out of the store with speed, so the cashiers can't catch me if they change their mind.
I've noticed the false feeling of accomplishment I get after each debit transaction. I come home after work and I have something to show for it - a new outfit. It's tangible and everyone can see.
But it's false in the sense that, I haven't become a better person because I've purchased a periwinkle blue sweatshirt for a fraction of its regular price. In my head I justify this superfluous spending. But most of the time, I know that I never did desperately need another dress or another pair of shoes.
It's an inexhaustible habit because there will always be something new; something slightly better than the piece I had before.
Something that could potentially make me question my last purchase. One's wardrobe unfortunately can never really be complete.
There is both security and dependence that develop from this habit. Sure, I've noticed more compliments on my outfits, and this is a nice confidence booster. But a lot of the time there is a subtle undertone of jealousy.
And sometimes it almost seems that nice clothes can get attention and admiration. but it's not necessarily because of who you are, rather it's because of what you have.
And the scary thing is, it honestly doesn't take long to get used to something like this.
It's a habit that I would like to stop. It's only been a couple months, but I am already painfully aware of both my growing need to explore the shelves, and my dwindling self-control when reaching for my wallet.
It's March, so this wouldn't fall under the New Year's resolution, which is probably for the best. New Year's resolutions have a poor reputation for being abandoned rather quickly. I won't be going cold turkey, but I'm setting limits.
After all, it's kind of a good idea to have some money in the bank.
Anna Toth is a J.N. Burnett graduate and currently attends UBC.
