Dear Lisi: I’m a new immigrant to this country. I secured a part-time job driving an Uber while I figure out how to further my education to secure a good job here. My wife was a nurse back home and is taking courses in order to be a nurse here.
We have a few family members and friends here, and we were able to sell some things back home so we have some money.
As an Uber driver, my car is clean, I don’t smoke, and I keep the windows cracked so there’s always fresh air flow. I’m quiet and friendly, say hello when people get in my car, and ask them if the temperature is comfortable. Then I remain quiet unless they engage with me.
Some people say nothing and just look at their phones; others talk on their phones; some chat with me. Then there are some who are so rude and disrespectful. These are my worst days. I have never met people like this before. I’m too nervous to stop the ride, but they can be very awful.
After these rides, I need to stop my car because I am shaking so badly. Is this normal? I need some advice on what to do.
Uber driver
I am so sorry that you are victim to that kind of rude and ignorant behaviour. Uber has strict guidelines on what is and is not acceptable from riders. But I can also imagine it’s unnerving in the moment, and tricky to decipher when and how to abruptly end a ride. Plus, it can be dangerous if the rider escalates their behaviour.
I strongly suggest you speak to a supervisor or manager at Uber and get training.
But if it ever happens again, yes, drive away from the drop off location and pull over. Get out of the car and shake it off. Don’t let other people’s negative energy rub off on you. Roll down all the windows and play your favourite song loudly. Get your car back to your safe space, where you feel comfortable.
Then go pick up your next ride. As you said, only a few have been that ugly.
Dear Lisi: The strangest thing happened to me, and I’m not sure what I should have done. I walked into a Starbucks, ordered a drink, then waited for it to be ready. While standing there, an older woman looked me up and down several times and sneered.
I was dressed like anyone else, in short yoga leggings – a common uniform for women of all ages; and a sporty tank top that covered most of my bottom. Nothing revealing. You couldn’t have picked me out of a lineup.
What gave this woman the right to turn up her nose at me, and why didn’t I say anything?
Silently shocked
Did you make eye contact? I would have said something to disarm her, and you could try this approach. Something like, “oh, do I have food on my face?” Or, “Hi, do we know each other? I can’t help but notice you looking at me.”
If she ignores you and walks away, you’ll have let her know that you saw her staring and it was rude. If she replies, she may have actually thought she knew you or liked what you were wearing but had a funny expression. You’ll never know.
But if something like that ever happens to you again, try to say something. I don’t suggest you come off aggressively with something like, “Hey, what are you staring at?” That won’t end well. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
And if someone IS staring at you in a judgemental manner, just move on. It’s their problem, not yours.
Reader’s Commentary: “Lisi, I like the way you think. Your basic response is live and let live, but you call people out on their BS. Thanks for being so real.”
Reader’s Commentary regarding the Conflicted Wife who had an affair (Aug.11):
“Lisi’s advice to the woman who had a short affair and now realizes her error was to confess to her husband. That is so wrong. Many people confess and wish forgiveness which will destroy the offended partner for life. Her penalty is living with guilt in silence. Her recompense is to make her partner the happiest man alive for the rest of his life.”
Lisi – The debate continues: to admit your indiscretions and hope for the best, or live a lie. You know which side I’m on.
Ellie Tesher and Lisi Tesher are advice columnists for the Star and based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected].
